I got inked

 I got inked.

That’s right, folks. I did it. I finally got a tattoo. Been wanting to do this for 15 years, but I was never clear on the image I needed; I just knew I wanted some kind of positive daily reminder.

Here it is. Designed by yours truly.

Symbolisms:

The sun: Life source, hope, strength, resilience

Awareness ribbon: everything I’ve been through - loss, sickness,  Marcy’s cancer, Quincy’s cancer, treatments, depression, anxiety, denial, acceptance, bargaining, turmoil, fear, enlightenment, growth, perseverance, anger

The dot inside the ribbon is the Greek Evil Eye. Our first attempt to travel to Greece was put on hold because of Quincy’s 1st relapse. We did make it to Greece this past summer, just before his 2nd relapse. I have always identified with the Evil Eye and believe in its symbolism as a way to ward off fear.

The ribbon also looks like a fish, which is a symbol of Reece and Quincy. When Andrew and I fell in love, we created a symbol that reflects who we are together - the sun over the waves. It’s almost like a yin and yang,  the warm sun and cool waters. When the boys were born, we added two fish swimming in the water. 

This tattoo is a daily reminder to pray, meditate, breathe, manifest, and give thanks. 

To be proud of who I have become

I am a badass, I am strong, brave, and in control of what I can control. 

I needed to do this. I have been feeling so much emotional and mental pain; I needed to feel some physical pain to balance it out. 

It’s my war paint, my reminder to keep believing and keep trying to be the best person/mama I can be (for my own sake and for my family’s sake). 

This is my daily reminder always to be grateful and to honor and accept who I am and what I have had to overcome. For years, I have tried to pretend that none of this had ever happened. I did not want to be a part of anything that connected me to that trauma - No Leukemia & Lymphoma Society events, no San Diego Blood Bank campaigns… No, thank you.  But since his recent relapse, I realized that there is no escaping the reality that I have battle wounds, that I have been through severe trauma, and that I am, in fact, a cancer mom. Whether or not Quincy is in active battle, I am a cancer mom, and that’s ok. Everyone’s gotta be someone or have something to face, and this is my “thing” that I have come to accept and honor. I did this for Quincy, I did this for myself.

I am NOT a victim, I am a warrior. 

Thank you, Josh, at 454 Tattoo in Leucadia!
New life friend for sure!